Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
