How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
