38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
