I think my vagina is haunted
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
