Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
