I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
