another moral hangover. fuck.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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