One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
