Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
