dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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