I cannot find my penis.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
