Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
