Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
