worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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