do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
someone owes me an orgasm
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
