so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
