If that was your dad, he is hot
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
