You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
