Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize