Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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