Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
