My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
This baby is an asshole
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
