I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
