Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
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