I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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