You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
