No, you can still breathe under the balls.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
