He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
