Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
