I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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