naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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