i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
