i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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