I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
