I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize