Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Randomize
