People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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