Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
