last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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