What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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