Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize