I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize