SEEEEXXX PLEASE
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
