Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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