I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
