it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
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