highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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