Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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