How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
