insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize