I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize
