After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
