I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
