I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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