I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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