at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
