I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
