i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
