So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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