I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
