I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You don't make any sense
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