I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
