Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
