I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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