im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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