Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
this will be a night to untag.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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