people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
