My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
