I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
