why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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