I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
