i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
