Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
