Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
So. Much. Porn.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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