is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
