20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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