Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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