Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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