This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
