I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
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