I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I think I sprained my soul last night
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
