i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
two words...techno handjob
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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