Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize