Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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