i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize