Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
