So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
