I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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