Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
