so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
