Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
