If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
