I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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