I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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