can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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