is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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