her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Randomize