I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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