the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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