and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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