I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
