i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Slut skills are useful in every country.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
