everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
