just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
