what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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