$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
