We're facebook friends in real life
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
