We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
