My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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