Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
