My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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