I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
